Christmas Jokes

Q: Why was the snowman rummaging through a bag of carrots?
A: He was picking his nose!

Q: What do you call a snowman with no arms or legs?
A: A snowball

Q: Why did Scrooge keep a pet lamb?
A: Because it would say, “Baaaaahh humbug!”

Q: Why did the snowman turn yellow?
A: I don’t know, but ask the little dog over there.

Q: Why is a candy cane a good collector's item?
A: It's always in mint condition.

Q: What do snowmen call their offspring?
A: Chill-dren

Q: What is a vegan's favorite Christmas carol?
A: Soy to the World

Q: What comes at the end of the Christmas Season?
A: The letter "n"!

Q: What do you call a Christmas rom-com about bread?
A: Loaf Actually.

Q: What does Santa eat for breakfast on Christmas Morning?
A: Mistle-toast.

Q: Where does Santa store his suit?
A: In his Claus-et.

Q: Do snow globes ever get scared?
A: No, just shaken up

Q: Why does The Grinch enjoy gardening?
A: He's got a green thumb.

Q: What do you call a blind reindeer?
A: ‘no eye deer

Q: What do fish sing during the holidays?
A: Christmas corals

Q: Who delivers Christmas presents to elephants?
A: Elephanta Claus.

Q: How do you know that Santa is good at karate?
A: Because he has a black belt.

Q: Why do Donner and Blitzen get to take so many coffee breaks?
A: Because they are Santa's star bucks!

Q: What's red, white, and green?
A: Santa Claus when he's airsick!

Q: Where does Santa always stay when he goes on any vacation?
A: At the ho-ho-ho-tel

Q: What does Santa do when the reindeer drive too fast?
A: He holds on for deer life.

Q: What did the elf get when he crossed a bell with a skunk?
A: Jingle smells.

Knock, Knock
Who's there?
Anna who?
Anna Partridge in a Pear Tree

Q: What’s a dog’s favorite Christmas song?
A: Bark, the Herald Angels Sing.

Knock, Knock
Who's there?
Olive who?
Olive Christmastime, Don't You?

Q: How does Rudolph know when Christmas is coming?
A: He refers to his calendeer (or he just nose).

Knock, Knock
Who's there?
Dewey who?
Dewey how long it is until Santa gets here?

Q: What did the christmas tree do after his bank closed?
A: He started his own branch.

Q: What do grapes sing at Christmas?
A: 'Tis the season to be jelly.

Q: What is Santa's favorite kind of candy?
A: Jolly Ranchers

Q: How did the two rival Christmas trees get along?
A: They signed a peace tree-ty.

Knock, Knock
Who's there?
Show who?
Snow time to waste, it's almost Christmas!

Q: Why can't you get any spare change from Santa Claus?
A: Because he's St. Nickel-less

Q: What do you call an elf who's run away from the North Pole?
A: A rebel without a Claus

Q: What reindeer game to reindeer play at sleepovers?
A: Truth or Deer

Q: Why does Santa use GPS?
A: He doesn't want to be a lost Claus

Q: What did the big candle say to the little candles?
A: I'm going out tonight.

Q: Where do little trees go to become Christmas trees?
A: Elementree school

Q: Why couldn't the skeleton go to the Christmas party?
A: Because he had no body to go with.

Q: What do you call someone who can't stop talking about last Christmas?
A: A Santa-mental

Q: What do you call a snowman with a six-pack?
A: Abdominal snowman

Q: What does an elf work on after school?
A: His gnome-work

Q: Where do elves go to vote?
A: The North Poll

Q: What do the elves cook with in the kitchen?
A: U-tinsels

Q: What did the wise men say after they offered up their gifts of gold and frankincense?
A: "Wait, there's myrrh!"

Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A: Frostbite

Q: How does Santa remember all the fireplaces he has visited?
A: He keeps a log.

Q: What is the best Christmas gift for the person who already has everything?
A: A burglar alarm

Q: What laundry detergent does Santa Claus use?
A: Yule Tide

Q: How much did Santa pay for his sleigh?
A: Nothing, it was on the house.

Q: What is the Grinch's least favorite band?
A: The Who

Q: Why does Santa always enter a home through the chimney?
A: Because it soots him.

Q: Why don't crabs celebrate Christmas?
A: Because they're shelfish.

Q: How did the ornament get addicted to Christmas?
A: He has hooked on trees his whole life.

Q: What goes, "Oh, oh, oh"?
A: Santa Claus walking backwards.

Q: What do snowmen eat for lunch?
A: Brrrrr-itos.

Q: What do you call a reindeer who can't see?
A: No eyed deer

Q: What is Santa Claus's favorite track and field event?
A: North Pole vaulting

Q: Why are Santa's deer always wet?
A: Because they're rain-deer

Q: Who is a Christmas tree's favorite singer?
A: Spruce Springsteen

Santa owes a lot to his little helpers. One might say he's an elf-made man.

Q: What do you call a bacon wrapped Christmas tree?
A: A pork-u-pine

Q: What do you call a scary looking reindeer?
A: A cari-boo

Q: What do you call a cow that lives in an igloo?
A: An eski-moo

Q: Why don't you ever see Santa in the hospital?
A: Because he has private elf-care.

Q: What do snowmen wear on their heads?
A: Ice caps

Q: How do the elves clean Santa's sleigh on the day after Christmas?
A: They use Santa-tizer.

Q: Why is everyone so thirsty at the North Pole?
A: No well.

Q: Why was the snowman rummaging through the bag of carrots?
A: He was picking his nose.

Q: Why did Rudolph get in trouble for his report card?
A: Because he went down in history.

Q: What did the gingerbread man put on his bed?
A: A cookie sheet.

Q: How much did Santa pay for his sleigh?
A: Nothing, it was on the house.

Q: What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?
A: Tinsel-itis

Q: What are the best Christmas sweaters made from?
A: Fleece navidad

Q: What did one snowman say to the other?
A: "Do you smell carrots?"

Q: What type of insect can't remember the words to Christmas carols?
A: A hum bug

Q: What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?
A: A Holly Davidson

Q: Why aren't Christmas trees good at knitting?
A: Because they keep dropping their needles.

Q: What do you call an obnoxious reindeer?
A: Rude-olph

Q: What is the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the normal alphabet?
A: The Christmas alphabet has no L. (noel)

Q: What do you call a bankrupt Santa?
A: St. Nickel-less

Q: Why does Santa have three gardens?
A: So he can hoe, hoe, hoe.

Q: What do you get if you cross a bell with a skunk?
A: Jingle smell

Q: How does Darth Vader enjoy his Christmas turkey?
A: On the dark side.

Q: What do elves learn at school?
A: The elf-abet.

Q: Who is Santa's favorite singer?
A: Elf-is Presley

Q: What is Santa's favorite state to deliver presents?
A: Idaho-ho-ho

Q: How do snowmen get around?
A: They ride an icycle

Q: How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizza?
A: Deep pan, crisp and even.

Q: What Christmas carol did the wise men sing?
A: Oh Camel Ye Faithful.

I bought my son a fridge for Christmas. I can't wait to see his face light up when he opens it.

Q: What does Miley Cyrus have for Christmas dinner?
A: Twerky

Q: Why are Christmas trees bad at knitting?
A: Because they keep dropping their needles.